


No Longer Us

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: Deliver Me 'verse [20]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Blaine Friendly, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, Kurt's not even thinking of leaving Sebastian you psychos, M/M, Romance, and by storyline I mean Deliver Me, brief mention of Kurt's past abuse in the original storyline, don't worry about the summary, mention of Blaine and Eli per the original storyline, mention of Blaine and Klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: Kurt is awoken late at night by a phone call from Blaine with very important news. But it's news that drudges up old memories of the life Kurt had once wanted, and the boy he'd wanted to live it with.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Deliver Me 'verse [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/62214
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	No Longer Us

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel Special Delivery is going to include a Blaine redemption arc. This is part of that.

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

In his sleep, Kurt scrunched his nose at the vibration tickling his ear.

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

He rolled over, trying hard to ignore it, but it felt like it was coming from underneath his skull.

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

Kurt swatted the air, then his pillow, with a limp, tired hand ... and smacked himself on the nose. He jerked awake, peering into the darkness with bleary eyes.

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

"All right, you pernicious little asshole," he whisper-hissed, searching for the mosquito disrupting his sleep. _Do mosquitos live in Colorado during the winter?_ he wondered. _Meh. Anything's possible._

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

Propped up on one elbow, the fog in Kurt’s head cleared enough for him to realize the obnoxious buzzing was coming from his phone and not an insect.

And he was grateful.

_Bzzzzzzz_

_Bzzzzzzz_

Kurt fumbled beneath his pillow, feeling around for the offending phone. Kurt found it, wrapped his fingers around it. It buzzed again, and he stuck his tongue out at it. He was tempted to ignore it - turn it off, curl up under the blanket, and go back to sleep. But when he caught sight of the caller's name, he knew he had to answer it.

“Hey,” Kurt whispered in a gravelly voice, cupping a hand over the receiver so as not to wake Sebastian sleeping soundly beside him.

“Hey," Blaine replied, voice strained, broken, as if he had just spent the last hour crying. “Did I wake you?”

Kurt looked over his shoulder, past Sebastian’s unconscious body, to the digital clock on the bedside table.

“It’s three in the morning. Of course, you woke me.” Kurt said it, hoping to lighten Blaine’s mood, but it had the opposite effect.

“Oh. Yeah. Right. I … I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I shouldn’t have called. I should have waited …”

“Blaine." Kurt sighed. "We promised not to do this, right? I told you to call whenever you needed. And that includes the hours between midnight and five a.m. So, what's up?”

Blaine exhaled. His breath shuddered, and Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, tried to picture the man on the other end of the line, his puppy-dog eyes forever pleading for forgiveness. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said. “I need to leave Eli.”

Kurt smiled. _Finally._ “Yes. Yes, you do.”

“W-will you help me?” 

Kurt sat up straighter to head off a cramp threatening to blossom in his side and leaned back, resting against the cold, hard wall.

“Of course,” he said, stifling a yawn. “Whatever you need. We’ll help you out. No problem.”

Total silence answered him, and Kurt thought Blaine might have hung up. Maybe he hadn’t told Eli yet that he was thinking of leaving, and the man walked into the room. Kurt considered hanging up, too; let Blaine call him back at a more convenient time. Then he heard Blaine take another deep breath.

“Don’t you miss me, Kurt? Don’t you ever wonder what things would be like if we were together now - a little bit older, a little bit wiser?”

“I used to,” Kurt admitted. “When I was with Dave, and he would …" Kurt stopped short, more out of shock than fear. When did it become so easy to mention it? When did he get so nonchalant about it? He'd like to believe that was a sign of growth. He'd mention it to his counselor the next time they talked. "When I realized he didn’t really love me, I used to miss you. So much.” Kurt didn’t want the memory of that time to affect him, but he felt a tear roll down his cheek anyway. “I used to dream of you running to my rescue.”

“I wanted to, Kurt! I wanted to! You have no idea!”

“I do,” Kurt said. “I do have an idea. Sebastian told me. He told me what you said, and I believe you. I believe that you did try, and for what it’s worth, I thank you.”

“But ...” Blaine said tightly.

“But that was a long time ago. There is no _us_ anymore. And to tell you the truth …” Kurt swallowed hard. He didn’t want to hurt Blaine any more than he already was, but he needed to hear “... I don’t want there to be. What you and I had was beautiful while it lasted. But it was also naive and immature." Kurt looked over at Sebastian, still dead to the world, a crooked smile twisting his lips, smug and cocky, even in sleep. "I have new love in my life.”

He heard Blaine sigh.

“Sebastian.”

“Yes.” Kurt smiled. “He has my heart, Blaine, and I don’t want it back.”

Blaine laughed bitterly but not cruelly so. “He’s a lucky man. You’re pretty amazing. You can’t fault a man for trying.”

“Thank you."

Another silence. Kurt was afraid Blaine would withdraw, not go through with his plans to leave out of shame.

Go back to punishing himself the way he had for so many years.

“Blaine, I meant what I said. We’ll do whatever we can to help you. You need to get out of that toxic place. That goes without saying.”

“I know I do,” Blaine said. “Don't mind me. I'm just ... look, I should let you get back to sleep. I’ll call you at a more reasonable hour.”

“It’s fine. Call any time. But I thank you.”

Another sigh.

Another uncomfortable silence.

“I love you, Kurt. Do you ... love me? At all?”

"I ..." Kurt's voice hitched. He wanted to cry. How was he supposed to answer that? He had an answer, but he wasn't ready to give it. It required a level of maturity, forgiveness, and being okay with himself that he could see clearly from where he stood, but which he hadn't arrived at yet.

"I'm ... I'm sorry," Blaine backpedaled. "That wasn't fair. I shouldn't ask ..."

“Once you’re out of that house and somewhere healthy, I promise, I’ll answer your question.” Kurt’s voice was thick with emotion, a well that he'd been filling since high school, so deep that there was no dipping his toes in it. If he so much as swiped a hand across the surface, he'd fall in and drown. 

He desperately wished Sebastian was awake to hold him.

“Fair enough.” Blaine sounded defeated, but Kurt couldn’t help that. Even if Kurt were available, leaping from one relationship, especially one as destructive as his current one, straight into another wouldn't work. Even with someone he was convinced he loved. Blaine had a plethora of first steps he had to take. And, for the moment, he had to take them alone. “Good night, Kurt.”

“Good night, Blaine.”

Blaine ended the call before Kurt could say his name.

Kurt held the phone in his hands, staring at it with watery eyes. So many memories. So many emotions he hadn't entertained in ages. All of them just shadows. 

Fading shadows, disappearing with the light.

He saw them for what they were.

Nostalgia. Nothing more.

Kurt swore once, lying on his bed, drugged up and beaten to a pulp, that if he got a second chance, he'd jump at it - wrap his legs around it, hold on with both hands, and never let go. And he did.

Only that second chance didn't come with Blaine.

Kurt felt for Blaine. He really did. And as angry as he could get at him some times, Blaine didn't deserve the hand he was dealt. 

Kurt didn't see the life Blaine had suffered through as vengeance.

The two of them had more in common than Kurt would like to admit. Blaine had locked himself in his own prison, too. The difference was, where Kurt's had bars on the windows, Blaine's had flesh, blood, and a name.

But Kurt had found his freedom when Sebastian showed up on his doorstep. He hoped and prayed that however it came to him, Blaine might find his freedom again, too. And soon.

Kurt scooted towards the sleeping body of his boyfriend and curled against him. Sebastian hummed in his sleep, rolling over to gather Kurt in his arms. But sleeping against Sebastian wasn’t enough. Not right now.

“Sebastian?” Kurt murmured gently, coaxing him awake. “Sebastian? Could you please wake up?”

Sebastian groaned, then opened his eyes.

“What is it, gorgeous?” he mumbled, seeking out Kurt’s forehead and placing a kiss to the smooth skin.

“Can I be needy and clingy for a second?” 

“Of course.” Sebastian buried his nose in Kurt’s hair, breathed in deep. "What's up?"

“Don’t … don’t ever leave me. Please? I know that's not a healthy thing to ask. People change, they fall out of love, and that's completely natural. But ...”

Sebastian put a finger to Kurt's lips, quieting his anxious rambling. “I’m not planning on it.” Sebastian rolled on his back, taking Kurt with him, settling Kurt’s weight over his naked body. “You have my heart,” Sebastian continued with the slyest of grins dancing on his lips, “and I don’t want it back.”


End file.
